Eager Hands

I had the pleasure of Mrs. Wilt from The Sparrow's Nest (one of my very favorite blogs!) interview me. Not only did she do an interview, she did a product review on my Basic Cake Decorating DVD. I truly value her review because she too bakes and decorates cakes. Her words were very kind and gracious!

I am posting the interview here, but you may want to hop on over to her blog for the comments that followed, which were a little surprising to me. How can anyone equate teaching practical skills or a love for home as a cult?

1. Kathy, it is a pleasure to be able to ask you some questions about your home business, Teaching Good Things? How did it all begin?

Thank you, Kelli, for giving me this time. My daughters and I are loyal readers of yours!

A few years ago my daughters (then 10 and 13) and I joined our local quilter's guild. We fell in love with quilting. We wanted to pass this skill on to our fellow homeschoolers, so I thought I'd write an easy to understand book for girls. A friend suggested I make a DVD instead. This started us on a course for our website and making DVDs on several different topics. After months of trial and error we produced our first DVD, Basic Cake Decorating.

We want our website to be a place where parents can come to find information and resources to help teach their children learn practical skills.

2. I totally agree that children need to be taught "good things" in order to become hard workers. How did you implement this in your own family?

I think the main thing is that we have never had a lot of money, and we have strong convictions that I need to be at home with the children and homeschool them. So I guess you could say our circumstances have made us be creative, and for that I am thankful!

My husband and I are pretty industrious people, so our children really had no choice. We didn't allow for a lot of idle time. Even now that our two youngest are in their teens their idle time is limited, mainly by their choice. We want them to always have a project to be working on. Sometimes the project may be a way to make gifts or to make money and sometimes it is a way to serve others.

As a family, if we want something done, if at all possible, we do it ourselves, whether it is repairs, improvements or gift giving. There is such satisfaction in being able to do things for yourself. I think if we were to become extremely wealthy we would still do as much as we could ourselves.

3. I really enjoyed viewing your cake decorating video. Tell us about what other products Teaching Good Things has to offer.

We just released our Basic Crochet DVD which walks you through all the basic stitches, how to read a pattern, how to make a Granny Square, a dishcloth and a scarf.

Our next video will be about How to Make and Sell Your Own Bath Products. Our quilting video is in the works along with How to Make Your Own Wedding Cake and Canning the Harvest! There will also be videos for the boys that my husband is working on, such as; Building Birdhouses and Bird Feeders and The Young Man’s Home Maintenance Course.

We also offer summer day camps for girls to learn domestic skills and boys to learn carpentry skills. Summer is a great time to learn the life skills that they will need to be a productive adult.

4. As a mother of boys, I am concerned at times with teaching them work ethic. I look around and see so many teenage boys with a "slacker" mentality today. What can I do as a parent to discourage this prevalent attitude with my boys?

The number one thing parents need to do is PRAY! There is no formula to insure that our children will not grow up to be slackers. I cannot stress that enough!

Second, our job as parents is to teach our children as we walk along side them. Our children learn more from what we ‘DO’ than what we ‘say’. They will learn as they watch us as we carry out our responsibilities; are we through? Do we complain about our duties? Does our attitude stink? Do we look for ways to meet the needs of people around us? I think these are the two most important things to do! Pray and walk our talk!

I honestly believe that while children are very young they want to please their parents. They want to be given tasks and know they are doing a good job. I think parents make big mistakes when they push Jr aside and clean up the mess themselves instead of teaching Jr how to clean it up WITH them. It may not be done perfectly when little hands are doing the job, but when they are young we must first train their attitude. Let them take responsibility and help, and then praise them. When they are not looking, go back and do it 'right'. Encouragement is the way to lead children; criticism is the best way to push them away.

5. Although we haven't been blessed with a daughter yet, I want to be prepared! :o) Can you list 3 ways we can prepare our daughters to be effective helpmeets in the future?

As wives and mothers we need to respect, love and adore their dad, in word, expression and deed. This is the most important aspect of family life. If you make a mess of everything else, but you love and respect their dad, they will be just fine! Encourage them to find ways to do special things for their dad while he is gone to work. As women (young and old) of the house, our day should include thoughts of how we can make it easier for him to be known in the gates. Do his socks match? Does he have clean clothes? Is his food ready when he is? Rub his feet. Meet him at the door and try to smile. The smallest things mean so much.

Be a keeper at home by staying at home as much as possible. Teach them to love homemaking, which really is an issue of the heart more than the décor and menu. Help them understand that making a home for the family and guest to feel comfortable, safe and welcome should be of high priority. Home is where needs are met. We cannot meet needs when we are physically not at home. What is even worse is when we are not home emotionally. Our hearts can be caught up in outside 'ministries' and miss our God given responsibility that brings forth much fruit. Constantly remind them that loving others through our home is pleasing to God. (Titus 2:5)

Equip them with skills to be frugal and efficient. In my opinion this is just as important as any academic subject, and in some ways more important. This takes many years, and a lot of us moms are learning right along side our daughters, and that is OK, we have to start somewhere. Don’t put homemaking on the back burner thinking you’ll teach that later. It needs to be taught everyday.

6. Finally, as a mother of children who are preparing to leave the nest, can you give a word of encouragement to those of us who have little ones we are just beginning to teach?

Raising children for the glory of God is a wonderful way to impact the world! Never take it lightly! Again, as I said earlier, prayer is the most important thing to do. Also, let us not boast in ourselves, but know all we do is by grace alone. We are to be faithful to love and train them, God is responsible for the results.

Include you children in everything you do from shopping to mopping the floors. Start out slowly, not expecting perfection. Be VERY selective in what outside activities, even ministries to take part in. Time with our children is so short, although it may not feel like it on a bad day. Love them, play with them, and teach them to be givers, not takers. Just take one day at a time, and enjoy them because before you know it they will be teaching the next generation! I honestly believe we make life too complicated thinking we have to do it all, and have it all. More than anything, know our total dependence is on Christ alone!

NOTE: I had the pleasure to review Kathy's outstanding Cake Decorating DVD and will be posting a review on Monday. You won't want to miss it!

Thank you, Kathy, for being so gracious to chat with us! If you would like to know more about the Brodock family and their passion for this work, click HERE to go to Teaching Good Things!

Personal Responsibility VS Self

A very important character trait that we stress in our home is personal responsibility, which covers everything from picking up after yourself to not playing the blame game. As an adult I am still trying to learn this and by no means have we arrived.

This is really a tough one to teach because by nature we are pretty lazy, selfish people. No one likes to eat humble pie. We have a generation (or two) now where the majority have not been taught personal responsibility. Just look at the courts with dockets full of bankruptcy cases, no fault divorce cases, and people will sue at the drop of a hat if they think they'll get alittle something from it. It's always someone else's fault and we are the helpless victims. We even blame our parenting and marital problems on our parents lack of... whatever!

How often do we correct a child for saying or doing something they shouldn't, and they say, "Well he (or she) made me do it"? And we become frustrated as we explain yet again, "It doesn't matter what he did, YOU are not to_____ (hit, say ugly names, etc...)". Stressing personal responsibility!

The problem here is SELF. Self never wants to admit they are wrong, and IF they are wrong it is someone else's fault. Self never wants to say I'm sorry. Self must always look good infront of others. Self shall never be offended. ugh!

WE as parents need to teach our children to die to self so that SELF is crucified with Christ and they can grow up to be humble, kind, loving, CHRIST like people. The most effective way to teach this is to LIVE IT each day before them!

Boy OH BOY!

God created boys with special hormones so that they will be able to carry out their dominion mandate to subdue. They have naturally inquiring minds that leave mothers baffled at times. Most boys want to know how things work, they want to solve problems and explore the world around them. Parents need to be careful to balance time in the school books with time to physically work. Boys need to sweat and feel like they have accomplished something every day. This is important for their growth and self respect.

I don't think that there has been a mother that hasn't shaken her head in confusion and amazement at the way boys think. When boys are home under mom's wing all day and not able to use their God given design to work and solve problems, both mom and son can become frustrated.

As sons get older some (most) have a hard time receiving instruction from 'a woman', even if that woman is Mom. As much as possible have Dad give him his instructions for the day or week that he expects to be accomplished. Of course Dad's first instruction for his son is to obey and respect mother! It's not so much about what the task is, as it is who it is coming from.

Ways to help sons develop their abilities:

* Have Dad make a list of 'Guy Jobs', more than just taking out the garbage. :o) Look around your house and yard, are there things your son(s) can be doing after the school work is done?

* Give him projects that will help him develop his ability to solve problems.

Does the garage need cleaning and organizing?
Can rocks be lifted for a new flower bed?
Can he have a garden that is his responsibility?
Do the bicycles need maintenance, tires pumped?
Are there squeaky hinges that need WD-40?
Can he build a fort?
Buy a fun type of science book with easy experiments.
Tell him he has to do one experiment a week.
Complicated paper airplane books are great!

* Get the grandfathers involved; do they have any suggestions of things he could be doing?

* Are there other men in the church or community who could help mentor him one day a week or one day a month?

* Have him find his own ministry project that he can focus on. Every community has people in need.

The point is to keep his hands and mind busy! Help him avoid the bad habit of laziness. Boys are much more capable than we give them credit for.

A couple of weeks ago we came across this GREAT program. It is
3D Shed and Shop Designer You can use it FREE for 2 weeks. It is only $30 if you choose to buy it. It's a great way for boys to learn a little about building and design.

We have some really cool sites listed under Manly Skills on our website. Your sons can learn all kinds of things about tools and cars. There are a couple of great interactive sites showing how a car is put together and runs. Again, THIS is how a boy's mind works.

Turn them loose and let them use their minds and endless energy the way God designed them!

With ALL Diligence

From our family reading last night:

Watch over your heart with all diligence,
For from it flow the springs of life.

Put away from you a deceitful mouth
And put devious speech far from you.

Let your eyes look directly ahead
And let your gaze be fixed straight in front of you.

Watch the path of your feet
And all your ways will be established.

Do not turn to the right nor to the left;
Turn your foot from evil.

Proverbs 4:23-27

Watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life. All of Scripture is powerful, but last night this verse brought on a good conversation about keeping your heart with "ALL DILIGENCE".

Dil"i*gence\, n.

1. The quality of being diligent; carefulness; careful attention; -- the opposite of negligence.

2. Interested and persevering application; devoted and painstaking effort to accomplish what is undertaken; assiduity in service.

-Webster's Revised Dictionary

This Proverb is for all of us, especially for the young. As our children become wiser and gain more independence, they begin to question, "Did God really say...?" Especially those brought up in Christian homes, they will wonder and question, and that is good. We want them to be able to THINK on their own. They need to sometimes wrestle with the Holy Spirit so that their convictions are THEIR convictions.

As our oldest child is wrestling with the Holy Spirit, and we watch our two youngest changing into women before our very eyes, I just want to say to them CONSTANTLY, "Watch over your heart with all diligence!!!!!!!!" There is so much that pulls at them. So much that says "Come over here, I'll make you happy, I'll make you beautiful, I'll make you popular, I'll make you important, etc..."

In the beginning of this chapter (Proverbs 4) it says:

My children, listen to me.
Listen to your father's instruction.

Pay attention and grow wise, for I am giving you good guidance.
Don't turn away from my teaching.

For I, too, was once my father's son,
tenderly loved by my mother as an only child.

My father told me, "Take my words to heart.
Follow my instructions and you will live.

Learn to be wise, and develop good judgment.
Don't forget or turn away from my words.

The sad truth is they don't always listen to their parent's instruction, just as we don't always obey our Heavenly Father, and THAT is when you have to remember that God is faithful to finish what He has begun in them (and us).

The only way to keep your heart with all diligence is to WORK at it, painstakingly devote yourself to the Lord, die to yourself and live for Him. Then and only then will you have true beauty, true peace, true importance in this world. Watching over your heart doesn't just happen, you have to work at it!

Older Sons and Chores

A reader asked:

How would you handle a 19 year-old son who must be continually prodded to help with the kitchen in the evening, and maintain a minimum of chore requirements. My husband and I recognize we are getting what we have trained for, as some of our convictions have been arrived at recently, and he is not openly rebellious, and he does work full time in my husband's business. We just don't feel like he his conduct shows that he wants to be on the same "team", so to speak. Thank you for any insight you might offer. Beth


Ooooh Beth!

I know right where you are! We too have a 19 year old we struggle with, although he has been taught his whole life to be responsible and work, both at home and he has had a job since he was 15. Even though he is very skilled in many areas, which I have to credit his dad for being so diligent in teaching him, as he has gotten older his heart has strayed away from our family. He is not on the same team as the rest of us. This makes home life VERY difficult. Knowing your duty is one thing, but having the heart to do your duty faithfully is another.

Because we are currently walking this path, I really don't have much advice, other than having your husband be the gate keeper. It is up to him to enforce what is expected of your son. And as his mother (a woman) be careful to not sound bossy (like a nag). Men have this attitude (sometimes spoken, and usually not spoken) of, "Ain't no woman gonna tell me what to do!" lol... So as our sons become men, we have to leave most of the direction, correction etc... up to dear ol' Dad! Norm Wakefield has a great CD about Mothers and Teen Aged Sons. It is great! I only wish I would have had it when our son was 12 instead of 18. sigh

One suggestion would be to keep his chores as masculine as possible. Not that he should never wash a dish or fold clothes, but the over all chores for guys should be more heavy duty. A young man doesn't feel very manly (respected) when he is folding underwear. lol :o) Although there are times when this may need to be done, but I think you get the idea. I just posted on our Teaching Good Things website a list of things guys can be doing around the house to get ready for winter.

If he is working a full time job then be careful not to expect more out of him than you do your husband.

I never dreamed that this would be such a hard transmission time for our son, or us. We are struggling to preserve our relationship (because this too shall pass), and at the same time stand for what is 'right'! It is hard. Every family is different, every child is different.

One last thing, be careful not to nag (not that you would, but I can if I am not careful) your husband about all of this. Kindly, gently make suggestions, but it is your husband's leadership he needs. I can say this because I am in that very place. I am waiting for things to improve and learning how to follow my husband's leading...which is not how I would do it, but God put him in charge, not me. lol

I hope this helps in some way. Please feel free to email me privately if you'd like. Sometimes it's just good to have a sounding board. kathy@teachinggoodthings.com

Getting Your Children to Obey

I have a dear friend that has written an e-book about child training. I have to tell you, her children are exceptionally well behaved. When my oldest has babysat for this friend she would come home and say how much fun she had keeping her children! It was because they were so well trained and they actually obeyed! My daughter has babysat some children that she deserved combat pay for.

Check it out!

Building Character

I read this this morning by Nancy Carter from the Homeschool Minute about Building Character in Our Children:

A wise woman once said, "While we're focused on building character in our children, God is focused on building character in us."

Maybe it's perseverance - we can't give up on them.

Maybe it's patience - no one guarantees immediate results.

Maybe it's humility - lest any man should boast!

Maybe it's contentment - learning not to envy that mom down the street whose kids seem to have it all together.

Maybe it's dependability - truly showing our children that we'll stick with them even when their behavior breaks our hearts.

Maybe it's dying to self - doing what needs to be done, even when we don't want to. Like oh say. . . playing a board game with your kids when you'd rather read a book by yourself. (Ouch stepping on my OWN toes now.)

And maybe it's for God to continue to grow our faith in Him, to truly remind us to walk by faith and not by sight. When we see what God can do in our children's lives in spite of all of our mistakes and shortcomings (both parents and children), we are reminded that truly it IS all about Him. It's not always easy, but it is about Him.

Work Quote

Far and away the best prize that life offers is
the chance to work hard at work worth doing.

- Theodore Roosevelt Labor Day speech,
Sept. 7, 1903, Syracuse, New York.

(T. Roosevelt is one of our favorite men of all time.)

Encouraging Servants

My goal after trying to be a good wife is to train our daughters to be good, well rounded, skilled wives one day. If God does not bring them a husband, they will be well equipped to serve in however God calls them.

Because I want my girls to be LADIES, and not WOMEN, I sometimes worry about them working such hard work with their dad. They can just about outwork most boys we know their age. Having them work construction is not 'my' ideal work for young ladies. Then I have to be reminded that THIS is where we are right now in life. We cannot afford to hire out, and if we could, would we? This is our FAMILY business and we work together and we share the benefits together. $$$ :o)

These girls have the PRIVILEGE of being with their dad most of the day EVERY day. They know each other so well that they can hand him something before he even ask for it. What a blessing to him and FOR THEM!

Not only can these girls do construction, but they can cook, quilt, sew, play piano, can fruits and vegetables, care for babies, etc... They will make great wives one day, hopefully at their husband's side as he operates his own business, and training their children how to work and play together for the common cause of the Kingdom! If God calls them to farm life, missionary life, or political life we want them to be ready, ready to serve. So God is causing *me* to get over what I think a lady looks like, and be thankful that they have servant hearts.

Emma and Dad

Olivia switching the cords around.

Emma holding a bracket for Dad...he couldn't do this without her.

Olivia...gonna haul some dirt.
It's a dirty job, but someone needs to do it. :o)

Emma helping dad dig out the holes for the post.
Do you know what happens to the ground when you are in a stage 3 drought?
Just ask Emma.

ICE POP BREAK!

Living with 3 Fiber Artist

Being creative is a double edged sword. Jeff and I have always strived for our children to have a wide range of skills, we try to expose to them to things that will make them think and be productive. All of this is good, but it can become chaotic if a few of us are being 'productive' at the same time, in the same room, in a small house. :o)

JUST TODAY:

Olivia thought she'd try her hand at making tea with some mint leaves from her herb garden. It tasted OK, she'll have to tweak it a bit, but at least she is learning.

NOW I'M GOING TO BE REAL TRANSPARENT WITH ALL OF YOU! NONE OF THIS IS 'STAGED', THIS IS REALLY HOW WE ARE LIVING THIS WEEK.

This is our coffee table today; a quilt Olivia is working on,
a scarf I am crocheting on (while we sit and read together or listen to lectures on CD),
and you'll see a science book buried under that. :o)

We have everything happening in the living room. The ironing board has some tea bags that Olivia just sewed up and also a quilt that I am piecing together.

Here is one chair with a stack of fabric I am working from,
a bag of nice quilting scraps my Mom got from a rummage sale,
and a skirt that Olivia just finished making (she's made 2 since yesterday).

Here is Emma working on her quilt (and watching the Beverly Hillbillies...lol), a cutting table set up, an ironing board, and scraps and threads everywhere! btw...we do sweep and pick up a couple of times a day, but then we get back to work. :o) Actually, my girls are having a fit that I am showing these pictures. What is that verse 'where there is no oxen the stall is clean'?

Emma is really getting the hang of that perfect 1/4" seam.

Here she is with her Gordian Knot top. It still needs to be quilted.

We have also kept up the laundry, meals, piano practice and a few school lessons. When Jeff walked in (and over) today, I said, "Honey, this is the price of having 3 Fiber Artist in your home." Which he is fine with it, he knows we are being busy and that we do not live like this all the time. :o)

Taking the Good with the Bad

Today the girls competed in the 11 county Regional Congress for 4-H. Olivia presented her Political Awareness speech. She did a very good job and received many positive comments after her presentation, even one public educator telling her she wished all of her students could hear her speech.

There was only one other person competing against her, and his speech was good too (about hearing loss). Olivia placed second (or in this case last). Most of those around us, including our 4-H leader AND the boy that won, were pretty shocked that she did not win. After viewing the judges score sheets it was very obvious why she did not win. Two of the judges gave her high scores, one even gave her a 99 out of a possible 100. The other gave her an 88, her only comment was that Olivia's speech was too controversial. (uh??? kids need to be interested in their government, their constitution, education...controversial??? uh OK? ) Actually she didn't like Olivia mentioning, abortion, gun control, government control over education, etc... But she did give her a fair evaluation on her presentation, with an 88. But what gets us is the last judge, who gave her a 68. ?????? She would not even look at Olivia during the speech, and gave her low scores on topic and research. Ummmmm...could it be she is a liberal? I won't mention her skin color or gender, just incase that did not influence her.

Emma had her quilt entered, she did not place, but she was gracious about it, smiling and congratulating those that did win. :o) At least she is willing to learn and participate.

We were disappointed with the outcome today, but like I told Olivia, "You've got to take the good with the bad. If you are going to be in politics or the public eye in any way, you've got to have thick skin." Knowing how to receive criticism, even un-fair criticism, gracefully is VERY important! We did not come home with any blue ribbons today, we do not get to move on to the State level, BUT more important we did come home with some humility and a little stronger character. It was a good day!

The Hand that Rocks the Cradle

This week I am reading Mom's Who Changed the World to my daughters. As they become older I find that I need to keep encouraging them even more to stay focused and remember why God created them. They are women, not men. They will be helpmeets one day (we pray). They both have very strong, independent personalties, which can be good if it is channeled in the right direction. After all, it will take courage and independence to stand against the culture and seek to live a holy life. It will take determination to submit to their husband, birth children and be a keeper at home (Titus 2:5), while the world (even Christians) tell them they are wasting their lives away serving their husband and children.

Today we are learning about Susanna Wesley. I just love this quote from her son, John Wesley:

I learned more about Christianity from my mother
than from all the theologians of England.

What a high calling and responsibility we have as mothers. The hand that rocks the cradle, rules the nation.

Love Your Neighbor~RESPONSIBILITY!

Life can be hard, and sometimes it is hard to let your children (that you love dearly) experience hard lessons.

Our children, as most, LOVE animals, especially Emma. If it were up to them we'd have at least 3 of every creature, and some would live in the house with us. Jeff and I were raised with animals in the house, but for the past 10 years or so we've chosen to have no inside pets, for several reasons. When Josh brought home a 6 week old boxer puppy18 months ago we let her stay in the house...she was so tiny...and so sweet... But then it got to be too much. After the death of a very dear friend a couple of months ago we inherited the momma boxer. This was in addition to our lab (whom is our favorite pet ever), a few cats and a rabbit, who all stay out side.

Our lab is harmless, unless you are a squirrel or a bird,
and he has free roam of the yard. Scrappy hoping Jeff will drop some of his ice cream.

The boxer puppy is a riot, but the momma is a bit aggressive with cats and such, so they stay in their pen unless one of us is outside to keep an eye on them.

This is Savanna getting her bath last week.

Today the boxers were out playing (boxers are so much fun), Emma was out with them. Then a neighbor's dog came in our yard...it is a small dog that is about equal with a child in the eyes of the owner. Well...our momma boxer decided to 'play' with it...roughly, then Savanna, her pup, got in on it. Although boxers are VERY playful, they are also all muscle. Then our harmless lab (who is about 8 years old) got in on it and Emma had a hard time getting them to break it up. Jeff and I were gone for about 30 minutes while all of this happened.

The short of it is that the neighbor's dog ended up with a trip to the vet and stitches, but we think she will be OK. Jeff and the girls went to talk with owners (we are always on good terms with our neighbors, but they called the law instead of calling us???!!! Josh just mowed their yard for free last week, etc...)

Anyway, we told the girls that they are their pets (because if it were up to me and Jeff we'd have none) and that they should offer to pay the bill. So they did, plus Olivia and I went and bought their dog some doggie treats as an "I'm sorry" jester. The girls got into their savings and paid for the vet visit of $105. (even though their dog came into OUR yard when this happened) We've been telling the children all day relationships with humans, especially neighbors are more important than animals. Josh will chip towards the vet bill and so will Jeff and I, but today we wanted the girls to see how important pet ownership is. They think mom and dad are cold hearted because we won't keep every creature that crawls across their path.

So we have decided to find the boxers a good COUNTRY home. :o(
**********

This reminds me of when Josh was 15 and he had learned a little about installing speakers in a car. Well........he convinced his grandmother to let him do something with the speakers in her car (I can't remember the details). Grandma lives alone and over an hour away from any family members. The next day after Josh came home, Grandma could not get her car to start as she needed to get to work. She had to call a tow truck and pay a mechanic to 'repair' her car. Come to find our Josh had cut a very important wire.

We made him pay for the repairs from his money he had earned, I think it was about $115. Yes, it was hard to watch him have to pay for this, but it was a lesson that needed to be learned. It is called RESPONSIBILITY! If he was big enough to cut the wire, he was big enough to take responsibility for it. If the children want to own pets then they must take the responsibility for them. (of course we buy most of the food etc... but you get the point)

I hope they will be better adults for it. sigh...it's been a loooooong day! We would LOVE to move to the country.