You Don't Always Get What You Want

I counsel with women that have had reversals. This is my common advice to those that do not conceive:

I had my reversal in 2002 (over 7 years ago). I have had one miscarriage. I will turn 44 this week, more than likely I will have no more children.

Not everyone that has a reversal will have more babies, no matter how old you are, no matter how good your HSG is, no matter how careful you are to chart, etc... My reversal doctor has a high success rate, but it is not 100%, no one has that. It is not always someone's "fault" if there is no conception.

Our ability to conceive is up to God, after all OUR INTERFERING with our fertility is what got all of us in this mess to start with.

HEAR ME:

If God chooses not to give us more children, it DOES NOT mean that He loves us any less.

It has been a VERY, VERY LONG AND HARD road for me to learn the lesson of contentment; to learn that my life is all about submitting to His will, not about me being happy! Once I learn that lesson in one area of my life, He teaches it to me in another area.

I LONG for more children, but I long even more so to greet God face to face one day and hear, "Well done good and FAITHFUL servant". That means I take one day at a time, doing what He has put before me with a spirit of gratitude, rather than resentment and pouting.

I can honestly say I am a better person (more humble, kind, focused) because God has chosen NOT to give me more babies. Do I understand this? No! Do I trust Him? YES!

It's all a journey, with lots of bumps in the road, but that is what causes us to cling even tighter to Him!

Lordship and Babies!

I have been moderating a reversal group for about 6 years now. Not all reversals are successful, and some are very successful! Some couples have had 3 reversal babies in 4-5 years! Praise the Lord!

Those that do not become pregnant can sometimes become angry with God. And those that get pregnant easily (and often) struggle with trusting too!

This is what I posted to the group tonight. The point being, it is all part of the plan! God knows what He is doing.
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There are some on this group that have already had their reversal and have had no babies. There are some that seem to be pregnant at least every 18 moths! ;o) BOTH situations bring us to NEW LEVELS of trusting God!

I sit here, 6 years post reversal with no more children. The first 2-3 years were real tough, but through it, God grew my faith and trust in Him. I learned to trust Him no matter what the circumstances and no matter how much it hurt. I learned to get my eyes off the creation, and look to the Creator, and to Him alone!

THEN, He let me experience the rebellion of a teen aged son that just broke our hearts. This was a new kind of pain, a new kind of not understanding. A new desperation! To be honest, this pain was worse than not being able to have more children.

Again, God is teaching me to get my eyes off the Creation, and on to the Creator, and Him alone!

Our faith, our trust in God, can NOT depend on the circumstances.

For those of you that God has so richly blessed with more children (and more work, less sleep, etc..) I can understand where that can be a struggle too. We want to know that it is all going to be OK in the end. Guess what? IT WILL! God knows what He is doing! Actually, He tells us not to borrow trouble from tomorrow. Live for today and what He has for you today! Tomorrow will take care of itself.

And every time we overcome a new trail (by God's grace), our faith will grow. We will trust Him more, and then...He'll give us a new challenge. It's called our sanctification!

Although my reversal did not turn out as I had hoped, I do not regret it for one minute!

Ladies, trust Him. Take one day at a time, and sometimes it is just one hour at a time. The Lord wants all of you and all of me.

God's will be done.

Our ULTIMATE Goal

I help moderate a reversal group for Christian couples. I had a reversal 5 years ago so I know where these ladies are in their journey. Some of them are truly seeking God's will for their life. Sadly, some are worshiping the creation. I am not being critical of them, because I once walked that path, not only about having children, but about many other 'idols'. I use to think if I could only have this or do that, attend THIS workshop, be in THAT kind of church...the list goes on and on, that THEN I would be content, able to do what I needed. I won't spend your time confessing my sins, but I thought I'd share my reply to some recent post on our group where I see ladies struggling with accepting God's will and being content.

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Our ULTIMATE goal should NOT be to have a baby. Our ultimate goal as Christians is to accept God's will with a heart of gratitude. Many, well... MOST of us will not conceive after a reversal, it is just a fact. Yes, there are many who DO, but not all. My reversal was 5 years ago. I've had one miscarriage (plus 2 surgeries). It took all those heart aches for me to realize that it was God whom I need to worship, the Almighty CREATOR, not His creation! Don't get me wrong, I long to have a baby and I can't wait for grandchildren now. I REGRET having my tubes tied, but God's mercy is great! I cannot dwell on my mistakes, but I can learn from them, live in today and look forward to tomorrow. Our HOPE, our JOY, our ALL HAS to be in God. If we have no more children then it is God's will. It does not mean He doesn't love us.

We can make all the plans in the world, but it is GOD who directs our footsteps. God knows our future, He knows what we need and what we don't. He knows what will make us more like Him. PLEASE, PLEASE put your focus on HIM. Whether He gives you 8 babies after a reversal or none, we have got to accept His will with rejoicing. MOST women on here just want one more baby with their latest husband, that is NOT what we are about. Shouldn't we all desire to stand before God and hear those words, "Well done good and faithful servant!" There is nothing wrong with hoping and waiting on the Lord, but we better be ready for HIS answer, not what WE THINK God will say!

Ladies, I've seen many women leave this group (and other groups) with bitter hearts because God did not grant them a reversal or later give them a baby in the expected time. Don't let His creations become your idol. Love God, wait on Him, and whatever He wills...thank Him for it! He is a good God!

THE TRUE REVERSAL
IS THE REVERSAL OF THE HEART!

HERE is our reversal story: