Monday, November 5, 2007

It is Well With My Soul

The song says It is Well With My Soul, not it is well with my circumstances.

The other night I was watching Jennifer Rothschild
on TV and was so blown away by her wisdom. I think I will buy her book next. She became blind as a teenager. Her father was a pastor (not that that makes a difference). She never became bitter about her blindness. She is now married and has children. Towards the end of her interview she said that she would never want to trade her life of blindness for one of sight, that she has learned so much about God that she would have never learned if she had not been blind.

After being told that she was going blind, at age 14 I think, she went home and played It Is Well With My Soul on the piano. She said, 'It is about things being well with your soul, not being well with your circumstances'.

I can't tell you how convicted I felt. I have sat in the pit of self pity off and on for years over not being able to have more children, for having a rebellious teenager, and a dozen other situations. In all of these situations God has taught me so much about Himself. And the in most painful situations I have learned the most. Especially with children that disobey or rebel. How heart wrenching it is to love someone so much and have them reject the Truth and believe lies. God must experience the same (well worse) heart ache when we rebel against what is Truth.

Yesterday during our sermon I was crying out to God in my heart..."Lord, I love him so much, do you understand how much I love him (my not-so-little stinker right now)?" It was almost like God laughed at me! Reminding me that HE loves him more. Then I felt conviction about MY rebelling on a daily basis in one form or another. Then being the silly person I am I asked God, "Do You love ME this much?"

You see, this was another step in me learning more about God and the depths of His love that I would not have learned if I have not experienced the heart ache of a rebel, or a closed womb, or all the other struggles He allows me to have. Just as He allows others.

It's all for a reason, and only He knows. My job is to submit, learn, and trust Him. I need to thank Him for today's stripping away of my pride, thinking I do not deserve to suffer or be inconvenienced.

God is good, ALL the time.

1 comment:

Lisa said...

It has taken me a long time to be well with the circumstances of having a special needs child and also never being able to have another. I often think that "we'll understand it all by and by."

I am gleaning much from your blog. :o)

(aka Daisy)