Barbara of MommyLife.net posted my email to her on her website. She shared some encouraging words in response I thought I'd share. You can go HERE to read it.
Before I go any further I want to say that I live a VERY good life, God has given me more than I could ever hope for. I know that He alone is God and that none of our trials come as a surprise to Him, in fact He is the One that orders my footsteps. I am ashamed when I question His providence in my life.
All that being said, I don't know if there is a pain deeper than the pain of a grown child going wayward. (by the way, I have suffered the pain of a child dying) When a parent spends the majority of their blood, sweat and tears with a child and then when given the chance that child turns away from Truth, the pain is almost unbearable. It is a constant struggle not to let this pain consume your every thought of every day. But as the hours turn into days, and days into weeks, God slowly brings YOU into repentance. Repentance of the sin of 'idolizing' the creation, rather than the Creator. It is Christ alone that our joy must depend on. If we have to have comfortable, ideal situations to walk in peace and joy then we have no idea what suffering for Christ is all about.
Parenting adults is HARD! When I say parenting I do not mean controlling, I mean loving, nurturing, guiding etc... As our son is making bad choices (that is putting it mildly), he has completely broken our hearts. I've had days that I have felt like I would never see day light again, but I am. I am not my son's Holy Spirit, neither is his Dad, we are only his parents. He is now under direct care of OUR Heavenly Father, who does NOT fail. I know in time that God will make Joshua's faith real and strong. I don't understand why we have to travel down this road, and I don't have to understand, I simply have to trust the Lord.
God gave us a job of loving and training our children, and we have (and still are) poured every ounce of our being into this God given task. I have to constantly remind myself that the story is not completely written yet, there are always dark times before before the glorious resurrection of God's power in our lives.
I struggle with showing love when I am hurt or angry. I live under a family curse of running from problems and writing people off when wronged with the slightest offense and I am determined to break that curse with God grace.
Before I go any further I want to say that I live a VERY good life, God has given me more than I could ever hope for. I know that He alone is God and that none of our trials come as a surprise to Him, in fact He is the One that orders my footsteps. I am ashamed when I question His providence in my life.
All that being said, I don't know if there is a pain deeper than the pain of a grown child going wayward. (by the way, I have suffered the pain of a child dying) When a parent spends the majority of their blood, sweat and tears with a child and then when given the chance that child turns away from Truth, the pain is almost unbearable. It is a constant struggle not to let this pain consume your every thought of every day. But as the hours turn into days, and days into weeks, God slowly brings YOU into repentance. Repentance of the sin of 'idolizing' the creation, rather than the Creator. It is Christ alone that our joy must depend on. If we have to have comfortable, ideal situations to walk in peace and joy then we have no idea what suffering for Christ is all about.
Parenting adults is HARD! When I say parenting I do not mean controlling, I mean loving, nurturing, guiding etc... As our son is making bad choices (that is putting it mildly), he has completely broken our hearts. I've had days that I have felt like I would never see day light again, but I am. I am not my son's Holy Spirit, neither is his Dad, we are only his parents. He is now under direct care of OUR Heavenly Father, who does NOT fail. I know in time that God will make Joshua's faith real and strong. I don't understand why we have to travel down this road, and I don't have to understand, I simply have to trust the Lord.
God gave us a job of loving and training our children, and we have (and still are) poured every ounce of our being into this God given task. I have to constantly remind myself that the story is not completely written yet, there are always dark times before before the glorious resurrection of God's power in our lives.
I struggle with showing love when I am hurt or angry. I live under a family curse of running from problems and writing people off when wronged with the slightest offense and I am determined to break that curse with God grace.
This morning I read:
If someone forces you to go one mile,
go with him two miles.
Mathew 5:41
go with him two miles.
Mathew 5:41
I feel like Joshua is forcing me go two miles with him. This should be the time of our lives when we should be enjoying the fruit of our labor of his raising. It should be an exciting time as he begins his young adult life and establishing himself...but I guess not. So as he is FORCING me to go down this road that I DO NOT want to travel, I will go with him....loving him, praying and fasting for him, yet keeping my eyes on the only One that can save!
Lord, use me according to your will, not mine, where ONLY YOU can receive the glory!
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