Thursday, December 6, 2007

Re-Visit The Curse of the Standard Bearers

I posted Mr. Wakefield's article yesterday and I do agree with him to a degree, this is something that we all really need to be aware of because it is a common trap. But it also bugged me all day and I thought I should add 'my' opinion, not that it really matters.

I for one am one that wants to know WHY for everything. I want to understand things. If there is a way to fix a situation, I want to fix it and and move on. I am not afraid of admitting when I am wrong and taking responsibility. So when I read articles like the one I posted yesterday, I think, "Oh, THAT could be why we have a rebellious child." But as I really thought about it yesterday, to a small degree he is right, but over all he is not, as it applies to our family. Of course we are concerned what other people think because we are representing Christ, to me that is part of loving your neighbor.

Jeff and I are first generation Bible believing Christians. Over the past 17 years of our Christian walk we made tons of mistakes. There have been times we have been over zealous and at times too relaxed. We've been wrong about doctrine and a most every other issue to some degree. But our heart has always been because we love God and we want to glorify Him. This is part of our sanctification.

I guess what I am having a hard time saying here is that we cannot be quick to play the blame game when relationships go wacky in a family. Is it always the parent's fault when a child rebells? If repenting needs to happen on the parents part then so be it, and we have done repenting over the years when we know we are wrong. But we have to be SO VERY CAREFUL to blame someone for another persons rebellion/sin. When we start on that slippery slope it will all come crashing down to the same excuse that Adam and Eve used in the garden; Adam, 'The woman made me do it", Eve, "The serpent made me do it" When in fact their sin was their OWN fault. Did the serpent play a roll? YES! But the responsibility was Adam and Eve's to obey the Mighty God whom they have been walking and talking with in the garden.

Should I become bitter and blame my Christian sister for offending me as a reason to commit sin? NO! Should I doubt my husband's faithfulness (which tears away at the trust in a marriage) because of my father's unfaithfulness? NO! Should I quit attending church because someone committed gossip (or worse) about me? NO! Do you see how easy it is to blame others for the choices we make?

My heart breaks everyday (and especially at night) being estranged from my adult child. I have done all I know to make it right, but his sin is NOT my fault. Did I make mistakes, YES! The simple fact is that we are all born with a sin nature. Scripture tells us we come from the womb that way. But it is God's calling on us, through Christ blood and the Holy Spirit residing in us that conforms us to His image. Adam and Eve had a perfect parent, God. Was it His fault they ate of the fruit?

The Lord also tells us if we need wisdom to ask for it and He will give it, we may not receive it immediately. That is when we need to wait and be faithful. Our faith cannot depend on our circumstances, but in Christ alone.


Anonymous said...

You opinion matters! :o)

I've struggled a lot the past few years. What upsets me the most is that Rosie is exposed to situations within our family that I absolutely hate having to explain... Unwed mothers, spousal abuse, child neglect... I want to have standards, but not be a "standard bearer"...

Niki said...

I am glad you brought this up. I am one of those 'estranged' dd's from my mom. We are now speaking. Yes we all have sin. Yes we need to take responsibility for our own actions. What happens when only one party takes responsibility? Well you can see where I'm going with this I'm sure. But I'm turning things around FOR ME. I cannot change the past. I cannot change my mother. I can change my attitude and MYself to make MYself better. If she wants to live in a world of denial I guess that is her right. LOL. We come from our parents, yes. We grow up and are allowed now to take the bits and pieces we WANT (what we learned) from our past and leave the other stuff behind. Such a nice feeling. Being an adult and having children is the hardest thing I've ever had to do LOL. Thank you for your post. Yes, your opinion matters. And thank you for writing about this :) HUGS!

Kathy, Jeff's wife said...

Hi Niki,

As you know...there is no perfect family and every relationship has it's rough times.

I have a brother that will not associate with me and will not talk about 'issues'. It is sad, but I can't make him. The only thing I can do is not get down on his level. I am responsible for my reactions, not his. I have a Father that has become a minister in the past couple years, he has no time for me or my family. Well, I can't change that. I just have to not become bitter. My son (19) is currently breaking my heart, but he belongs to the Lord and my duty is to love him and not destroy what relationship we do have now, because one day this too shall pass and I want to hear him say, "Mom, thank you for not giving up on me."

So yes, it's hard living in these human bodies. Life is constantly living and learning. :o) I do hope you find joy in your journey, and pass that on to your children.